Jem Reviewed: Episode 2 - Disaster

It's time to begin week #2 of Jem: Reviewed...but before we begin, let's recap what happened last week, since we did get that dreaded TO BE CONTINUED logo at the end.

Jerrica Benton is a 20-something young woman who takes care of a home for foster girls with her sister Kimber, and friends Aja and Shana.  Her father recently passed away and an evil man named Eric Raymond has taken over control of his music company, Starlight Music, which he uses to promote his new rock band, The Misfits.  But with help from a computer that her father created named Synergy, Jerrica transforms into Jem, and begins a rock group of her own.  A contest is drawn out between Jem and the Holograms and The Misfits, where the winner will get control of Starlight Records, a new mansion, and a movie deal.

But Eric tries to sabotage the contest by hiring Zipper to scare the girls...only for Zipper to accidentally set Starlight House on fire.

Cue Episode 2:  Disaster.  Yep, flames pouring out of windows, suspenseful music...yeah, I'd say Disaster works as a title.

All of the Starlight girls are out on the front lawn watching the firemen try to put out the fire, and judging by the looks on their faces, they are devastated.  But Jerrica has more to worry about than the fire.  After counting all the girls, they realize that Ashley is missing.  Wherever could she be?

Well, Ashley ran inside the burning mansion to save the honor jar from turning into ashes.  Because after all, they have to buy that fridge for the house that no longer stands.  Even Jerrica scolds her, saying that her life is worth more than all the money in the world.

And so Starlight House is no more...just a bunch of burned out cinder blocks.  Sixteen people are now homeless.  Rio stops by the ruins to see what happened, and Jerrica, still clad in her nightgown, hugs Rio tightly, glad to see him.

The Misfits are also there to check out the damage and Pizzazz coldly states that it couldn't have happened to a nicer gal.  That's not cool, Pizzazz.  It wasn't just Jerrica that lost her home.

Why, look!  All the Starlight Girls are outside sleeping on the lawn outside of their burned down house.  I don't know about you, but that Honor Jar that Ashley saved could have got them all a couple of motel rooms for the night.  It doesn't seem logical for the fire department to have just left them sleeping on the grass.

But then again, logic flies out the window when Jerrica suggests that they put on a Jem and the Holograms concert right at that moment.  The Starlight Girls go along with it on account that they have no other plans since their HOUSE JUST BURNED DOWN!!!

So, Jerrica, Kimber, Shana, and Aja drive to the Starlight Drive-In to get changed (and hopefully get some clothes for their foster kids too while they're at it), and make plans to perform at Howard Sands' house.  I'm not sure what their plan is, but Pizzazz, Roxy, and Stormer are hot on their trail, trying to stop them every chance they get. 

Well, at least that is until Jerrica uses the JemStar earrings to turn their car into a garbage dumpster so that the Misfits end up losing their trail. 

Whatever the case, the girls get changed into new clothes, Jerrica changes into Jem, and we hear the first of three songs this episode.

I'd say that "Like a Dream" is another typical Jem and the Holograms song.  Light fluffy pop music with sugary sweet lyrics about love.  Basically, it's a song that the Misfits would NEVER sing.

But the song performance does get the attention of both Howard Sands and The Misfits, both of whom demand to know what Jem and the Holograms are doing on his property.

Well, after Jem changes into Jerrica again (narrowly avoiding a curious Stormer in the process), she tells Howard Sands the whole tale of how she runs a home for foster girls that burned down, and that she hoped that by serenading him with the gift of song, he would allow them to move into the mansion that is being offered as a prize until the contest was over.

Interestingly enough, Stormer's reaction to Jerrica's predicament is one of sadness, and she actually starts crying before Roxy smacks some sense into her.  Seems like Stormer might have a soft side after all.  Too bad you can't say the same about Pizzazz and Roxy.

When Howard Sands agrees to let Jerrica and the others move into the mansion, Pizzazz gets so angry that she shoves Howard Sands into his own pool!  Um, yeah...that ought to make you prove your point!

What's worse, Roxy somehow gets control of a bulldozer that randomly happens to be on Howard Sands' property, and starts destroying everything in her path!  Wow, you're just basically asking to be disqualified from the contest, aren't you?  Somehow, Roxy ends up jumping out of the bulldozer, and the machine goes out of control.

Jerrica tries to pull Howard Sands out of the pool, but she slips and falls directly into the path of the bulldozer that Roxy started up.  Luckily, just before Jerrica gets crushed to death, Rio arrives just in the nick of time and saves her life.  Okay, so in this case, I like Rio.  I'm sure there will be other moments where I will not like him as much, but for now, he's okay.

Anyway, Aja manages to stop the bulldozer before it causes any more damage and the Misfits run away in a cowardly manner because they really don't want to face the fact that they nearly murdered Jerrica! 

Or maybe the bigger coward is Howard Sands.  While it's nice that he has granted Jerrica and the others permission to move into the mansion, I personally think that he's out of his mind for not punishing the Misfits more.  I mean, one of them tried to drown him, and another one ruined his front yard!  Why is he even entertaining them?  Howard, grow some balls already and just GIVE Jem and the Holograms the house!  Sheesh, man!

Whatever the case, the new house is HUGE.  There's a bedroom for each of the girls (a 16 bedroom house?!?  WOWZERS!)

There's a fully functional kitchen which housekeeper Mrs. Bailey thinks is just super.

And there's even a pool where the girls can jump in fully clothed!

It also happens to be the perfect place for Jem and the Holograms to host their first photo shoot!  How exciting!

Ashley, at first, is excited about the prospect of the new house because now it means that she doesn't have to earn the money for the Honor Jar.  But Lela's like, no way, lady.  She doesn't care that Ashley nearly turned into barbecued baby back ribs to save the jar...she's still on the hook for thirty bucks.  To which I say, Lela, get off your power trip and give Ashley a break.  But since this is only part two of a supposed five parter, we can't have conflict resolution wrap up this early.

And since I've brought up Ashley, it's time for this week's Jem Trivia.  Did you know that the actress that played Ashley also did the voices for Aja and Kimber?  How outrageous, right?  Sadly, the actress that voiced them all - Cathianne Blore - passed away in 2002.

Luckily (or unluckily), Ashley runs into the Misfits skulking around, and Ashley makes a deal with them.  If they give her thirty bucks, she will let them onto the property.  Ashley, you are aware that these are the same women that nearly killed your foster mother, right?  Oh, well...I guess Ashley must have been scrubbing the soot off of that Honor Jar while all the fuss was going on because Stormer gives Ashley the money and Ashley lets them in.  Wow, this should be fun.

Even more fun is the fact that Eric has called Zipper once more to take care of Jem and the Holograms, and Zipper plans to do this by activating a time bomb inside of the mansion.  Geez, what is this guy?  A serial house destroyer?

Okay, so we have some time before the bomb is discovered.  Why not be entertained with a Jem and the Holograms/Misfits medley?

I gotta say though...not a fan of the medleys.  When you have a sweet song like Click meshing with the not-so-sweet Clash, it doesn't gel well.  It'd be like Celine Dion doing a duet with Rob Zombie.

(Actually, I kind of want to see that.)

As the photo shoot gets underway, Eric Raymond drops by to see how Zipper progressed with the bomb planting not realizing that the Misfits have snuck onto the property.  As Eric warns them to get away...

KABOOM!!!

Just like that, a whole room in the mansion turns into rubble, and Jem and Kimber narrowly avoid getting turned into Hologram pancakes!  For what it's worth, the bomb just destroyed one part of the house, and everyone inside and outside the house is safe from harm.  But, if anything, this should be another reason why Howard Sands should just end the contest and just declare Jem to be the winner by default.  Mind you, it'd make for a very boring show, but still...the stupidity of the people in this episode makes my head ache.

And to top it all off, we get introduced to another new person, the Countess Danielle DuVoisin.  She seems to be incredibly fashionable, rich, and I think I detect a French accent coming out of her lips.  I also detect that Howard Sands seems to have a thing for her, but we'll see what happens.

At any rate, the Countess is introduced to Jem and the Holograms by Howard Sands himself, and she seems to be immediately charmed by their personalities and kindness.  She invites them all to a party that she will be hosting on her yacht.  Wow, she only talked to them for 30 seconds and she's already included them in her social circle!  That may be a record!

On the flipside, Eric introduces the Countess to the Misfits - but hilariously, she turns up her little French nose at them and tells them that they are not invited.  That ought to make Pizzazz all the more bitchy, don't you think?

Predictably, the Misfits approach the Holograms and start to trash talk them, but when Shana and Kimber suggest that they get to work and help them clean up the mess that Zipper's bomb blast created, they once again scurry like the cowards they are.

I BET WE NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN.

The sun sets and out in the middle of the ocean is the Countess' yacht.  And Jem and the Holograms, along with Rio, board the yacht via motorboat.  What a way to make an entrance!

The Countess and Howard immediately welcome Jem and posse to the party, and the Countess quickly introduces them to the next new character, Lindsey Pearce.  Lindsey is meant to be Jem's version of an MTV video jockey - in fact, she kind of looks like a cross between Nina Blackwood and Martha Quinn.  And while Lindsey is thrilled to meet Jem, she deduces that the band would be more well known if they had a music video to show since this is the 1980s and MTV still played music videos back then.

It is to their great fortune that music video director Anthony Julien just happens to be a guest at the party as well.  And it seems as though Anthony has developed a huge crush on Shana.  Or, he could just simply be distracted by the fact that two birds are trying to hatch out of Shana's ears.  Either way, Anthony's attraction to Shana gets the ball rolling, and I half expect Anthony to be the one who agrees to film Jem's first rock video.

Jem and Rio take off away from the party where Rio is tiptoeing around the obvious.  He's starting to develop feelings for Jem and he is conflicted because he is in love with Jerrica, and he feels that he is cheating on Jerrica with Jem not realizing that Jem and Jerrica are the same person.  And right at the moment where Jerrica realizes that she probably needs to be honest with him and tell him who she is and how some computer that is dressed like Olivia Newton-John circa 1981 is making her this huge star, they get pelted with water.

Yep...the Misfits have crashed this party.  And they happen to be singing a very, very appropriate song for April Fools' Day.

It also makes me realize that the Misfits in general seem to have edgier, danceable, powerful songs...at least in comparison with Jem and the Holograms.  I'm sure it wasn't Christy Marx's intention to make the Misfits better than the Holograms, but I have to agree with the theme song.  They are the Misfits, and right now, their songs ARE better.

It's too bad their attitudes don't match their songs.  They cause all sorts of trouble aboard the yacht, and Pizzazz even manages to get into the control room and finds a way to steer the yacht straight into the path of a massive oil tanker or some sort of giant ship that would likely turn the Countess' yacht into a bunch of toothpicks.

And we see yet another TO BE CONTINUED graphic pop up as Rio and Jem stare at their imminent deaths right in front of them - or maybe not, as we still have 63 more episodes to review.

And some of the highlights next week include Ashley getting fed up with being a Starlight girl, Kimber getting fed up with being Jem's second banana, and Eric getting fed up that Zipper is an incompetent psychopath!