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Monday, July 07, 2014

Curved Yellow Fruits - and Other Grocery Blunders

Last week in the MOTIVATION MONDAY portion of the blog, I talked about something that had been bothering me for some time.  It wasn't something that I had planned on talking about in this space, but now that I have, I feel immensely better for it.  If anything, it was a cathartic experience because it allowed me to express my feelings for something that was once a part of my life, and it gave me the opportunity to have my final say in it all before I closed the book for good.  If anything, I encourage all of you out there to do the same thing that I just did.  Look back on your life to one moment that started off great, but had a terrible conclusion or resolution, take hold of the great times, and put the nail in the coffin of the bad.  It helped me out tremendously, and I am certain that it will help you out too.

So, because I talked about a more serious topic the last time, this time my motivation is to make you laugh.  And what better way to make you laugh than with a series of pictures that feature some of the funniest signs that you've ever seen?

Yes, I've scourged the depths of the Internet to bring you the best of the worst signs that I think anyone has ever laid eyes on.  And, would you like to know where the inspiration came from?

Well, to begin this story, we'll have to go back about a month ago to June 7, 2014.  As many of you know by now, when I am not writing this blog, I work full-time in the electronics department of a retail chain.  And one of my duties at my job is to go into the menu of the pricing gun that we use and print off any price increases or reductions.  And for the most part, these price changes are fairly straight forward, and I can easily find the item.  After being in the department for a year now, it's gotten a lot easier.

But sometimes you have price changes come out of the printer and they just make you shake your head in complete confusion.  See what I mean.  This was an actual price label that came out of the printer that day.



Okay, so not only is the item one that you're not supposed to use...but apparently you will get charged almost eighty bucks not to use it!  What a bargain, no?

Of course, this is just one example that I found in my day job.  There are so many more examples to share.  And if you're into funny signs, today is your lucky day because there are some signs that I think are even more hilarious than mine!  And, just before we go on, I'd like to give credit to the following websites where I found these signs from - digdang.com, teen.com, carbonated.tv, Huffington Post, Funny Signs, Dr. Heckle.net, Funny Junk, EgoTV Online, U.S. Data Corporation, Engrish is Funny, WTHSigns.com, pophangover,com, Shut up and Eat, and rounds.com.

So, let's begin with the first place that most people choose to shop inside first...the produce department.  Oh, look!  Here's a sale on...



...curved yellow fruit?  Okay, here's a little tip for the person who designed this sign.  Those curved yellow fruits are called BANANAS.  They're a fantastic source of potassium and they go great with ice cream and chocolate sauce.  Oh, well...maybe that's just a fluke.  Surely they can't make the same mistake twice.



Long yellow things?  They do realize that they have a name, right?  Can't someone give a little bit of respect to the banana?



Sigh.  Maybe we should move on to the citrus fruits.



Well...on the plus side, if we add lime juice, grapefruit juice, and tangerine juice, we'll have our own version of Five Alive fruit cocktail.

Okay, enough with the fruit.  One of the things that I'm sure that most people do in a grocery store is try to find the best deals possible.  They do this by ad matching, or by clipping coupons, or by checking to see if deals are worth buying, such as this special offer.



Wow...three things for the price of three!  I certainly hope that last three means three dollars, because otherwise I'd feel like I wasn't getting a deal at all!  Good thing this looks like a spoof of an ad.  Oh well...maybe if I go the next aisle over.



Um...you mean, I have to pay MORE?  Why don't I just give the store my first born.



And, don't even get me started on this supposed deal.  I'm guessing that one of the requirements of making sale signs isn't knowing basic mathematics.

Okay, clearly this isn't working.  Let's go around the whole supermarket and check and see what else just doesn't sound right.



Okay, that sign would be absolutely fantastic and one hundred per cent correct - if there was actually a Starday and a Cometday on the calendar.  Actually, that might not sound like such a bad idea.  Being born on a Starday would be so much better than being born on a Monday.  Nobody likes Mondays...well, except me since I usually have Monday as one of my days off...

Ahem, where were we?  Oh, yes...next sign.



This is interesting.  I never pictured those to actually aid with preserving beauty and health.  If anything, I would think that too much of those "beauty aids" would cause irreparable damage to both.  But on the other hand, they do provide you with beer goggles, which supposedly makes everything look better.



Do I even want to KNOW what this store was thinking?  Though, if anyone has actually used any of these "supplies" at a picnic, more power to you, I guess.



Happy Mother's Day, Mommy!  I hope you like your present!  I picked it out myself with my own bare hands.  By the way, I love being your only child.  I love it so much that you must NEVER have another child ever again.  NEVER...



You better believe it's not butt!



You know, it's bad enough that I have the shopping cart with the squeaky wheel, that the one thing I wanted to buy is all sold out at the store, and that my coffee went up three whole dollars in price.  Now the butter is laughing at me!  Stop it!  Stop it, I say!!!



OH MY GOD!  They're having a ZERO PER CENT OFF SALE!  We have to go right now!  Can you imagine how much I'd get off of a bottle of olive oil?  I'd get...oh...wait a second...



Funny...I thought that it was Colorado that gave the go ahead to purchase that in stores.  I guess Idaho wants to get in on the action.  And not that I would know from experience...but isn't that an awfully low price for a bag that huge?



Um...what?



Um, WHAT?!?

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