This Thursday Diary entry is going to be one that is needed for me to look back on. It's not so much a message to anyone in particular. It's more like a personal reminder for me not to fall back on old patterns, and move forward with my plans for a better future for myself.
March 28, 2013
The decision that I have made to make my life a better one this year has not been an easy one to follow through on. Certainly, it's a decision that I have thought about for quite a long time, and it's only been now that I've come to the conclusion that it can definitely be possible to make some huge changes that will better myself.
But, I will be completely honest with all of you reading this. It's one thing to say that you want to make changes, and it's one thing to put forth the effort and commitment to make sure that you get everything that you want in this life. But sometimes, that isn't enough.
In order to really have a shot at making sure that the decisions that you're planning on making are the good ones, you almost need to have a driving force behind you at all times. In a lot of cases, many people have found the courage to make these decisions based on the love and support of loved ones and close friends. And, in a lot of cases, many people find strength in positivity. It's no secret that a positive attitude is always the key to success in life and, as long as one is optimistic about things, the possibility of dreams coming true will be greater.
But what happens when you don't really have a large support system at your fingertips, and you don't really have anyone in your corner to keep you on the right track towards making those dreams come true? And, what happens when you're in a situation where you try with all your might to stay positive and you can't because everyone else around you is a Debbie or Darryl Downer?
I would think that it would be difficult to find the courage and the strength necessary to make life-changing decisions, wouldn't it? When one doesn't have anyone standing by the choices they make and supporting them on their journey, it's easy to have the attitude of “why should I try to make my life any better if there isn't anyone else to share my joy and successes with me?”
And, I would also think it would be difficult to put on a happy face, when everywhere you look are frowns and tears, and you hear the words “woe is me” inserted into every conversation.
How do I know this? Because I've been one of those people who have experienced this phenomenon hands on.
It's a little vortex that I like to refer to as the “Nucleus of Negativity”.
If you've ever taken physics, then you probably know the definition of the word nucleus. Even though I only lasted four weeks in my physics class before I dropped the class because of it being too complex for my mind to process, I did learn that a nucleus is the core of an atom.
So, if the nucleus is the core, then obviously whatever surrounds the nucleus will have an effect on the heart of the atom, right? I suppose in a way, it's kind of comparable to the human heart inside of a body. In order to keep the body going at its maximum health, you feasibly have to keep your heart as healthy as possible. You do this by doing things that will keep your body healthy and happy. You drink milk, you exercise, you eat all the right foods.
In short, if you treat your body with tender loving care, then your body should continue to give you TLC right back.
And, I'm not just talking about physical health either. The same principle applies towards mental health as well.
If you're surrounded by positive people, and have lots of support, then feasibly speaking, you should have a better shot at making good decisions in your life, right?
Well, I've come to the conclusion that a lot of the reason why I have been making excuses for why I don't do anything to change my life is because I have been caught in the Nucleus of Negativity for quite some time. And, when one gets stuck in that trap, it becomes incredibly difficult to get out of it. Believe me, I know from experience.
I'll be the first one to admit that when I was younger, I had the worst attitude towards life in general. I can admit that now. Back in those days, I couldn't.
And the reason why I couldn't was because I was stuck in that negative zone and was unable to find my way out of it. I don't really need to go into detail over what my teenage years were like, because you already know all of it, and I promised myself that I wouldn't talk about those days as I have already made peace with it. I plan to keep that promise, but I'll state that having a negative frame of mind was easy at that time.
A little bit too easy, looking back on it.
But just fast-forwarding ahead a few years, I'm finding that my mood for the day is largely based on the moods of others. If I'm around people who are in a wonderful, positive mood, then I tend to be quite positive myself. On the flipside, if I am surrounded by negativity...well, guess what happens?
And, I'm at the point in my life where I can't handle being around constant negativity any longer. Because when others are in a negative frame of mind, it causes me to fall into that trap, and I become a negative person myself. Let's be honest here. Nobody likes being around a negative person. I'm fairly sure that when I was younger, I was always in a pessimistic mood because I kind of expected it. Whenever anybody said anything nice to me, or paid me a compliment, I laughed it off, or I became all defensive, insisting that I wasn't deserving of it. Who does that anyway?
Well, looking back on it, I did. And, sometimes I still do.
And, that's one of the many drawbacks to being trapped in the Nucleus of Negativity. It causes you to question everything about yourself, and it implants feelings of self-doubt and anger over things that may not necessarily be your fault or in your control. And, because of that, some people might feel the need to try and spread that negativity around to other people in the hopes that they can rid themselves of their negative feelings by passing it onto someone else.
Of course, we all know that doesn't work. If anything, it just increases the intensity of the negativity.
So the question becomes...how can I break free of the Nucleus of Negativity? How can I find my way back to building up a positive attitude again?
Well, the answer may seem incredibly simple upon reading it, but I've found that the best way to get out of the Nucleus of Negativity is to avoid getting stuck in it in the first place!
I'm being serious here!
When I was growing up, I probably tried to befriend people who didn't exactly have my best interests at heart. In fact, a lot of them kind of used me for something, and once they got it, they cast me aside. Not exactly what one would call a healthy friendship, right? But yet, I kept coming back for more because that was all that I had known. The worse I was treated, the more I came to expect it. It really wasn't until I entered adulthood and came across people who really did care that I began to turn my whole life around, and started to look at the world through a positive filter. Of course, it took me some time to get to that point because I was still stuck in the middle of that negativity nucleus.
I'm at a point in my life where I feel as though I am getting better at staying positive, but I do have setbacks now and again, as everyone else does. But, I know now that I don't want to spend the rest of my life with a black cloud of negativity hanging over my head. I need to maintain the drive and ambition that is powered by positivity so I can find my ticket to happiness.
If that means that I sit at a lunch table by myself with my iPod to drown out the gossip, the finger-pointing, and the constant complaining, then that's what I will do. Because it's too easy to fall into that trap.
If that means that I have to take a brisk walk from one end of town to the other to cool down after dealing with people within my own family who are constantly down, then I'll strap on my running shoes and walk, walk, walk. Because it's too easy to fall into that trap.
If that means that I have to turn off people's news feeds on social networking sites and log off of these sites to watch something funny on YouTube, then that's what I will do. Because it's too easy to fall into that trap.
I'm at an age and a time in my life where negative people are no longer welcome in my life. Everyone is entitled to a bad day every now and again, but when people do everything to bring you down, I'm not okay with it. Nor am I okay with being in a situation where everyone around you is complaining about everything.
I don't have it in me to deal with negativity anymore. I need to stay positive at all times...and I know that in order for me to do that, I need people in my life who will support me, and stand by me, and offer me their blessing in choices that I have to make for myself so I can continue to grow and develop.
And, I think that next Thursday, I'll talk about that in greater detail...